Sunday September 19 th 2010
I write this ireport from my hospital room.
The story below is an excerpt from a longer peice.
i was not allowed to photograph
i was not allowed to use my real name
i was not allowed to use instructors real names
i do have permission to write this story.
this story does end in disaster.
SWAT school: my best worst day ever - part 1
FIRST SERGEANT TRAVOLTA: HARRIS! Are you a faggot?
ME: “SIR?”
FST: “HARRIS, are you gay SON?.....do you TAKE IT UP THE ASS, HARRIS?
Lifting my face from the goose shit covered lawn I watch the other students from this years SWAT school crawl past me. Future elite warriors slithering through the grass in the classic battle prone position. “SIR no SIR ' I below at the top of my exhausted lungs.
FST:“Do you want me to fuck your ass BOY”?
ME: “SIR NO SIR!” I blast out past the confusion in my head. Why I am being singled out? What could crawling possibly have to do with a persons sexual preference? The next words rained down like dragons breath.
FST: “YOU NUMB NUTS MOTHER FUCKER!! You crawl with your ass in the air like that and its gonna GET SHOT OFF!! YOU MAKE MISTAKES OUT HERE PEOPLE DIE SON!
Pressing my pelvis and face hard into goose shit, I rip the skin of my elbows trying to catch the rest of my team. I haven’t made it six feet. I have not even been given I chance to close the distance to my team when an instructor named Bird jumps my shit.
BIRD: “HARRIS! YOU NO DICK MOTHER FUCKER, IF YOU FALL BEHIND - ONE OF THESE MEN WILL HAVE TO GO BACK AND GET YOUR SORRY ASS!.......... HARRIS, SMITH OR WHAT EVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS....... GET OFF MY GOD DAMN P.T. FIELD! “
Day one of SWAT school is infamous. I am only 5 hours into what is lovingly called “the death March” by nostalgic SWAT veterans.
My name is not Harris, Smith, faggot or Mr. No Dick Mother FUCKER. My name is Colt, Johnny Colt and this is MY BEST WORST DAY EVER.