I was to walk down the aisle of the First United Methodist Church in Frankfort, Kentucky, on November 6, 2004. I did walk down the aisle of the beautiful stone-clad church, only it was 9 months earlier and not as I dreamed. Instead of donning my plain, yet elegant, Jim Hjelm wedding dress and carrying calla lillies as I planned, I walked down the aisle wearing black following my fiance's flag-draped casket.
February 19, 2004, is a day that will never forget. I will never forget the gorgeous blue skies, the uncharacteristic spring weather, the clothes I was wearing, and the look in my parents' eyes when they told me that my fiance, 2LT Jeffrey C Graham, had been killed hours earlier by an IED in Iraq. Losing Jeff is indescribable... there are no words that can justify his sacrifice. You see, Jeffrey had the option of not deploying. Jeff, himself, had suffered an unthinkable tragedy only months before he deployed, when his younger brother Kevin committed suicide. Jeffrey was still reeling from Kevin's death and was given the option to stay state-side, yet refused saying "I have men over there that need me." The selfless dedication and camaraderie he had with his men is something that I will never understand. When Jeffrey was killed, he was warning his men of the IED before it exploded, saving numerous lives that day.
Now that Jeffrey is gone, I try to keep his spirit alive by continuing to do the things we loved. Jeff and I were avid runners and we often ran together. It was a regular challenge for me to keep up with him in distance and in speed. Since Jeff has died, I have completed 3 half-marathons, and I used his memory as my motivation to finish. However, my biggest accomplishment was not the 13.1 miles that I completed. My biggest accomplishment was organizing a Run for the Fallen Shadow Run where approximately 50 runners gathered at 10pm at the University of Kentucky campus and ran 3.1 miles. We ran this race together at the exact same time as troops in Baghdad and across the country were running the same race. It was so inspirational to know that we were running "alongside" such amazing heros.
In keeping with the running theme, my next race is the Army 10-miler in Washington, D.C. I am running with and fundraising for TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors). I am fortunate enough to run on Run to Remember Team Wildcats with 4 other amazing women, including Jeff's sister and cousin. We are running this race in memory of Jeffrey and Kevin Graham. I just hope that I continue to make Jeff proud.
I have been so fortunate to remain close to Jeffrey's parents and family; I will always consider them my in-laws. Their example of courage has helped me heal over time. I survive each day wearing a ladybug around my neck, listening to his voice in the bear he gave me before he deployed, and sleeping on the quilt made of his old clothes. As the days move by and time softens the heartache, I know that Jeff is the shining stars at night to guide me in the right direction and know that he is the butterflies and ladybugs during the day to give me hope.
